it’s only the 2nd week of July

and already for some odd reason

I have this weird panicky feeling … the summer is flying by.

before I know it, the holidays will be here & the school year will start again!

AHHH…please just slow down…

I think this past winter really did a number on me

and I am subconsciously  grasping on to the warmth and light..

fearful…it may leave before I am ready

to face the cooler season.

I have a bucket list of sorts that I really would like to check off this summer

things for me and Tunie B. to experience..

things for myself to accomplish…

moments that will hopefully…

give both of us warm happy memories

to conjure up at will

anytime we might be shivering from the cold moments of our lives….

The other day I was watching my Tunie B.

my 3 3/4 year old if you please…

and I felt this fluttery feeling in the pit of my heart

My baby is not a baby any more

she is a real live person..

I am responsible for this person…entirely…

I feel old and too young to deal with this..if you can understand that?

and it scares me…it actually terrifies me..

what and who she will become…

I don’t want her making the same mistakes I did…but I don’t want to smother her.

..she has opinions on everything…

she has ideas, she has fears, she has loves & hates,

she has SO MUCH to teach me

and I her…

it’s about now I wish I had the super power to stop time

so I can catch up, get all my chips in place, organize

accomplish, most of all enjoy her to the fullest in the moment that is now…

the list never ends of what I want for her childhood…

but I am truly overwhelmed…

this single mom thing…not so easy to handle

anyone else feeling this way?

I guess there is real truth to the saying…

one day at a time.

I just wish the summer was a little longer this year…

 

New England Summer Roll

If summer had a taste – this sandwich would be the flavor. Everything about it, just screams. “EAT ME- I AM THE PERFECT SUMMER MEAL!” Inspired by my many trips to Nantucket over the last years, and my true love for that place. For some reason in Nantucket, for those brief few days, summer stands still, and all the worries of life and winter to come, just disappear. Hopefully, I will have a chance to get there again soon.

yields 4

2 large pieces of fresh tilapia cut into bite size pieces

3 Tbsp. lime juice

2 Tbsp. butter or olive oil

1/3 cup scallions, chopped

¼ cup celery, finely chopped

¼ cup carrots, finely chopped

½ tsp. garlic powder

¼ tsp. ground black pepper

1 tsp. dried parsley

¼ tsp. dried cilantro

2 Tbsp. honey Dijon mustard

1 Tbsp. Lite mayonnaise

Pinch of ground ginger

4 hot dog buns or New England Rolls

Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in frying pan, add tilapia and lime juice, let cook stirring occasionally. Remove tilapia from pan, set aside. In the same frying pan add scallions, celery, carrots, garlic parsley, cilantro and pepper cooking until tender, when done pour into bowl with fish. In a separate bowl mix mustard and mayonnaise and ginger, pour over fish and mix.

Heat 1 tablespoon of butter in a frying pan, when melted toast rolls on each side in butter, about 2 minutes per side. Spoon mixture into buns and serve.